Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

As I sat at gymnastics today with Nick, I couldn’t help but be struck with how incredibly fortunate I am to be surrounded by wonderful women who are absolutely fantastic mothers.  These women are kind, gentle, patient, loving mothers, and even when they get flustered or upset, they handle it so beautifully.  I’m sure they are not perfect, but still, they are truly wonderful. 

Everytime I go to Explorer’s club, gymnastics, or any of our other homeschooling activities, I get to see these beautiful women parenting their children with all of the love, kindness, and respect that I strive to treat my son with.  I so often feel like I fall so short of the mother I want to be.  Yet being with these women, watching how they handle situations, I feel like I gain new skills to be a better mother.  Plus it is sheer joy just to see parenting done so right.


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Last Saturday was one of the HOPE classes, and ever since it I have been a jumble of emotions.  The class was very interesting, and I learned many things I did not know.  It was also very emotional, I spent half of it with tears running down my eyes, sometimes from the stories Tracy told, sometimes from my own personal feelings tied around it.  I’m still trying to process through the jumble of emotions there. 

I know some of it was sadness over the catastrophe that was my experience giving birth to Nick.   Don’t get me wrong, I love my boy, but nothing at his birth seemed to go right beyond that fact that he was born healthy.  I’m not going to go into all of the details, but having to wait hours to hold him and love on him was murder on me, and the entire experience has left me so sad everytime I think about it.  This beautiful moment got turned into something that became overwhelming and left me feeling very vulnerable, and I still wonder about so many of the choices I made regarding his birth.

  But, that was only a part of the emotions.  Of course another big part was naturally wanting desperately to get pregnant.  I know I have at least 1 more baby waiting to come here into this world and be a part of our family.  I love that baby, and I feel like we need that baby to fill a place in our family that is just sitting there waiting for him.  

Even beyond that though, there is so much more emotion.  I worry about the effects of the stressful pregnancy on Nick.  Nick never seems to feel fully safe anywhere, and I wonder, did I pass this to him when he was in the womb, did I communicate to him that he wasn’t safe?  I felt like I was constantly battling to keep him safe and alive, and now I wonder if all of that worry, and all of those battles communicated to him that this world is not a safe place. 

I’m sure I’ll be writing much more about this as it all starts to gel out in my mind, or perhaps not, perhaps the tears and sadness that came from these things is finally healing.  I know the words Tracy spoke started a healing process… I guess it’s just a matter of time to see what road that process will take.

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So Proud

I am so proud of Nick today.  He overcame a major hurdle for himself.  I’m sure the struggle isn’t completely over for him, but he showed incredible restraint and determination today and managed to diffuse a situation that could have gotten quite ugly had he decided differently.  I posted about it on our homeschool blog  but just had to say something here too.

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Nick is 6 today! I put a post on our family blog in honor of his 6th birthday. It’s got some fun photos, you should really check it out!


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Today I am pondering what it is in people that makes them resilient. Why can some people pick up after major hurts and go on, while others are debilitated for life? What is the difference, and how can we instill those traits in our children?

I like to consider myself a fairly resilient person. I’ve been through a lot of stuff in my life and I still keep going and in the end try to use those things to make me stronger. I know faith plays a big part in this, but I also know that some of it seems to be personality, so is resiliency something I can teach my child, and if so, how do I do that?

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I had a lot of epiphany moments today, some of them were things that I knew before, but just cemented in my head a little more today, others were fairly new ideas.

1. I remember being told as a child that the actions of a child directly reflect on their parents, that people judge parents by their children. This makes me totally paranoid about how Nick acts. I worry too much about what other people think, and I realized that I am letting it affect how I parent my child, especially when I parent in public.

I am probably not explaining this well, but here is my epiphany, as I wrote it when I pulled over on the side of the street on my way home from class 🙂 :

I am not responsible for who my son is, or who he becomes. God made him who he is, he will decide who he becomes. My job is to teach / give him the foundation, experiences, knowledge, beliefs, and morals that will help him to become the best person he can be and that will help him to learn to make the choices that will take him down the right path, the path God would choose for him.

2. I am the best parent for my son. God sent him to me because he is who I need and I am who he needs. As long as I do my best for him, it will be enough, because if it wouldn’t be enough he wouldn’t have come to me. I am perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from his mother. Erik is perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from a father. We just need to do out best for him, and he will get from us what he needs.

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Today I cleaned Nick’s closet out. I’ve been noticing a progressive trend in his closet everytime I change clothes he’s outgrown out. His clothes are growing progressively darker. Why don’t they make little boy’s clothes in fun colors? His adorable little Winnie the Pooh and Diego clothes came in reds, oranges, yellows, and bright greens. Now, his clothes all come in dark blue and black. Why can’t the transformers be on a fun orange or red shirt? I wish they’d make them in better colors and with more characters for the young kids. Just because their clothes are in the same area as the 9 and 10 year olds doesn’t mean they have the same interests. It’s of course compounded by the fact that Nick is a tall kid, but I just hate that we can’t find clothes for him that look his age.

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