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Busy, Busy, and Busier

It has been so long since I have written here.  I have so much to write about, but this past month I have been extremely busy.  Too busy.  It has worn me out, worn me down, and is starting to wear on my body.

My business has been doing quite well, which is fantastic, but it has been taking so much work to keep everything running smoothly.  Unfortunately, despite the fact that it has been doing fantastic, I have found that it seems to be money sucking at the same time.   Earlier in the year we went through a very slow period, and it was a killer.  I wasn’t able to replenish supplies until they were very, very low.  So now that I’ve been busy I’ve had to get more of EVERYTHING.  I’m fully stocked now though, so that’s great.

The big news is that after listening to Sandi Krakowski, my marketing guru, and doing a lot of soul searching about the business, I have decided that if I want it to grow, I need help.  I can’t keep going at this rate.  I’m excited, I see a huge field for growth now, as more of my time becomes available.  For now I’m going to be outsourcing the baby food jar candles (just the wrapping part, I’ll continue to pour them).  I hope I can eventually get to where I can outsource more of our products that are made in house.

In the meantime, I hope that within a week or two I will have a bit more time to put towards family, advertising the business, and the other things I’d rather be doing.

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New Inspirations

I am so busy that I’m going to have to keep this post short.  I’m running in about 1000 directions today, but all of them are great.   I just wanted to tell you about a few of the important things I’ve had happening lately, and get down a few ideas too.

First off, I found this fabulous marketing course with Sandi Krakowski, and it has me excited, motivated, and ready to move my business to a whole new level.  I am 100% convinced that with the skills I am learning from her I can propel The Babbling Baby into a larger or more successful business.  It’s going to be work, but nothing beyond what I am capable.  By this time next year, I plan to have employees!

Second, I am looking at starting a new business helping small local businesses with their marketing.  Marketing local businesses is super easy, and it makes me sad to see so many small businesses not using the power of the web.  I’ve gotten 4 local businesses on the top page of google (daycares, pet setting, etc) within a couple of weeks, it’s just so easy.  I hope I can help some others who are struggling to make a living on their own terms get a solid presence.

Finally, I am going to try to get back to posting regularly.  I’m going to get back to Thankful Thursdays, and I’m also going to add in a day that I discuss what I learned this week, I haven’t decided which day, but I’ll let you know as soon as I decide.

Relief

For the first time in months, maybe years even, I have felt totally at peace and content the last few days.  The miscarriage rocked my world much deeper than I wanted to admit, even to myself.  Now I feel at peace.

I’m not really sure what brought it on, perhaps it’s a series of things.  Our house is finally completely clean (except for my office, and that doesn’t bother me at all).  Our schedule is gradually starting to come back on track.  Nick is actually asking to start homeschool again.  I’ve found some fantastic marketing classes that I am very excited to take, and have figured out how to make them possible financially.  I am excited about the potential growth these classes can bring.

I’m seeing the great potential for getting pregnant in the near future.  I was discouraged that it might not happen, but now it seems so possible.

I’ve seen vast improvement in my health over the past year.

I have friends, friends who value me as much as I do them.

I feel like me.  My hormones are balancing out, my thyroid is balancing out (yes I know that’s technically hormonal also), and I’m gradually feeling more like me.  I feel like I have been in a state of withdrawl for years, sticking my tiptoes in the water every now and then, but not really ready to immerse myself in the outside world.  Now I’m ready to re-enter the world full force.   I feel good about who I am and the things I want to do.  I feel like they are all possible.  I feel happy, safe, content, and on top of the world.  I’m ready.

Fall

It’s now officially fall, at least in my book, the local kids are back in school, and the weather is cooling.  I’m so ready for fall this year.  Ready to be past the heat and the ups and downs that this summer brought.  Ready to enjoy the beautiful colors that fall brings, and already loving the beautiful fall weather.  I’m looking forward to getting back to our regular routine after a month off and our very nice vacation.  Our schedule is quickly filling back into the normal school year schedule, and this year I very much welcome that.  We’ve started Explorer’s Club this week, and gymnastics, we’ll start homeschool next week.  Ahhh, the peace of routine 🙂

Ever since the miscarriage I have been grumpy and sad.  I thought maybe it was the hormone fluxuations, but I realized today that I have totally been avoiding dealing with any of it, and it is causing problems for me.  I’ve been trying hard to focus on the fact that I ovulated, but the fact is, I’m sad, I’m angry, and I’m sick of dealing with all of this.  7 years of trying to get pregnant with this baby.  I feel like my entire married life has been spent trying to figure out how to get pregnant.  What the heck will I do with myself when all of that stress finally comes off?  10 years of trying to get pregnant.  3 miscarriages (or is it 4, I’ve lost track, which in and of itself makes me feel awful).  1 baby who is growing up way too fast on me.  This miscarriage was really a blow.  Now I’m sad that we lost the baby.  Scared that even if I do get pregnant, I may not be able to stay pregnant, frustrated and angry that were still on this roller coaster.  I want off.  I want my baby in my arms.  I want my son to have a sibling.  I want to go through a month without counting days and looking for signs.  I’m drowning in sorrow and trying not to admit to myself or anyone else that there’s more than a drop around.  I don’t know how to deal with these emotions.  They leave me feeling alone and isolated, and I don’t like that either.  I just want to be done with it all.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated, but I just got some information I wanted to get down.   I ended up at the doctor yesterday because of the profuse bleeding I experienced from the miscarriage (way above what it should have been).  They ran some blood tests and I found out that my thyroid level is showing as normal!!  It’s on the high range of normal, but it’s normal!!! This is without any thyroid meds in my system at all.  It looks like the things Dr. Mellor has been doing are really paying off.  They want me to test again in 3 mos to make sure it is not too high, since it’s borderline now, but I feel way better than I did on the medicine,  and I’m certain that in 3 mos it will be even better than it is now.

I also found out my  glucose was a bit high, but at this point I’m not worried about that at all because I had just eaten (and eaten food not on my diet no less), I have been off my diet quite a few times the last couple of weeks with all of the birthdays, and they said it was in a level they would consider not surprising for someone with insulin resistance.  My guess though is that if they test me again in a couple of weeks it’d be normal.

Wednesday I had a miscarriage.  I didn’t even know I was pregnant, but I miscarried.  I still don’t know where I am on that fact emotionally, because I spent the last two days focused mostly on the physical (the miscarriage caused very, very bad bleeding on Wednesday, and a bit on Thursday).  I’m sad that we got so close and then lost the baby, relieved that we didn’t know I was pregnant before the miscarriage, and happy that I actually can get pregnant.   There of course are so many negatives to the situation, but there’s nothing I can do about those, and I am trying to focus primarily on the positives which  are:

1.  I ovulated, which means my system is now at the point it is capable of ovulation.

2.  We managed to conceive from that ovulation, so when I ovulate again, we probably have pretty close to normal chances of conception.

3.  We had a successful implantation, so we know it can get that far.

Now I’m just praying my heart out that we will be able to conceive again very soon, and this one will last!   I’m also hoping that I really am doing as okay as I think I am, and this doesn’t all come crashing in on me emotionally, but if it does, I’ll deal with it then.