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Posts Tagged ‘frustrations’

I’ve been thinking about inspiration the last few days.  I go through periods on a regular basis where I feel alive and inspired, and ready  to run out and change things, often set off by reading something wonderful or some other divine inspiration.  Other times reality presses down, and I am surrounded by all of the things that must be done or frustrated by life not going the way I feel it should be.  I’ve definitely been in the frustrated mode lately, but the inspiration hasn’t left during that time.  I still feel inspired to start acting, which really makes me think it’s time to start moving with some of these ideas, but how?  That’s the problem, and I think that is largely responsible for much of the frustration I feel. 

I feel inspired to create something, to create a place for women to share their lives, to grow from one another’s stories, experiences, and inspirations.  To support one another in their current endeavors, whether it be as a sounding board, prayer support, or through supportive actions.  I KNOW there is a real need for this too, and I have a real vision of how it could unfold.  I just can’t seem to figure out how to get it started.  I’m not the kind of person who has dozens of friends to call to help spread the word, or move something like this forward.   These thoughts take me back to my college years, because it was so easy to start things then, and I wonder if there isn’t knowledge to be gleaned from those experiences… I’m sure there’s some wisdom sitting right in front of me, but I just can’t seem to find it.  

How do I take this pool of inspiration and build it into what it is supposed to be?  How do I make it come alive?  Where do I even start?

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This kind of spurred from reading Tracy’s blog about scars also, but it really has very little to do with it, and is totally off the wall from the last post about scars, so I thought I’d make it seperate.

The definition of a scar is :

A mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/scar)

Scars are powerful, they show where we have been injured, but they also show that we have healed.  I’ve often heard people who have been abused say that they almost wish they had a scar to show what they have been through.   I have felt this way before at times in my life.  A scar is visible proof of an event in our life.  I have no desire for a physical scar to add to the list of scars I have earned over the years.  Yet I wonder if I had a scar, if it wouldn’t be easier to share my story, if I could point to a scar and say, this happened, but God healed me… that would be incredible.  Why is it okay to talk about physical injuries, by we are expected to hide emotional ones, it’s not like we don’t all have our emotional wounds to contend with? 

I am seriously thinking about calling  my new bracelet my scar.  It represents what I have been through, but more importantly it celebrates the fact that I have healed and become stronger because of my life’s experiences.  It represents healing, courage, strength, faith, and so much more.

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This week has been one of those weeks that makes me question my sanity. Why am I doing this? Why don’t I just pack up my child and send him off to school everyday, just like most of the other mother’s in the world? It’s not that there has been any issue with homeschooling, but the kids are driving me CRAZY. They’ve been fighting non-stop around the clock it seems like. They’re yelling at each other , I’m yelling at them to stop yelling at each other, Erik’s yelling at the kids, I’m yelling at Erik, the kids are yelling more, and all I want to do is sit in the middle of the floor and cry. I am not a yelling person, I don’t like to get that angry, and I don’t like to be around yelling. I know we are all feeding off of each other, we’ve just got to break the cycle. We need a nice quiet family day, but both Erik and I have got a ton of stuff to get done this weekend, so it is not likely to happen, plus we are just coming off of a vacation where we had plenty of relaxing time. Seriously though… would public school really be so bad? No, it wouldn’t, but it isn’t the best either, and that is what I want for my son, the best… now if I can just get our house back to being the best, we’ll be all set.

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I want to study. I want to study and learn and study some more. I need to study and learn. So, how do I fit that into my already excessively crazy life? I mean honestly I work 8-9 hours a day, homeschool, attempt (ok, it’s a poor attempt, but I really do attempt) to keep my house clean, cook meals, love on my child, babysit (a huge blessing because Nick has someone to play with all day) and try not to pull my hair out. I’m already studying a few things, but I want to do more. I need my full 24 hour day without sleeping… do you think I can give up sleeping? Probably not… I get too grouchy. So how do I fit everything in my life in?

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I’ve been learning a lot lately about how the way we choose to look at something affects how we see that issue, and the effect it has on our lives. Like most people, I’ve heard this millions of times, but lately I have realy come to understand it and see just how much our perception can change things.

We can choose to view anything that happens to us as a problem, or as a blessing. Even those things that seem like hardships teach us and help us become better people, sometimes the moments that seem the hardest in our lives are also the most defining. Likewise, even with the most wonderful things that can happen to us, if we search we will find problems in them. That wonderful new responsibility that we were so excited to get takes time away from something else we enjoy doing.

Today I was looking at some music on youtube and came across the song “Breath of Heaven”, which is one of my all time favorite songs. It is basically sung from Mary’s point of view when she is pregnant. Anyways, that got me thinking. Mary is generally viewed as one of the most blessed women of all time, I mean this is the woman who gave birth to and raised Christ, what an incredible priviledge. And what a nightmare! Think of all the things that poor woman went through in her life. She could easily have wondered why God did this to her. What did she do wrong that made God give her a son who she would have to watch struggle just because of who He is? What did she do wrong to have to watch her innocent son get tortured and hung on a cross by the very people he’d been trying to help? Imagine what she must have faced. Did she view it as an awesome priviledge? An awesome burden? A punishment? I really can’t tell you, we don’t know much about what life was like for her. It was her decision though, certainly she could very easily have justified any of these answers.

My point is that everything that happens in our life can either be a blessing or a burden, it is up to us to decide which it is. I am really going to try to work much harder to view life’s situations as blessings rather than problems.

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Why is it that everything the government even talks about passing laws about (credit cards, health care, etc) instantly becomes 10 times more expensive?

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