Posts Tagged ‘Trust’

Dr. Mellor (my natural doctor) asked me a while ago if I have trouble trusting people, and  I said no, which I truly believed to be the truth.  I was wrong.  I SO have issues trusting people.  Apparently this was an issue stirred up more from the childbirth class.   I realized before that my answer was wrong, now I think I have a better understanding of how it is wrong.

I don’t trust others to meet my needs.  It’s not that I don’t want to trust other people, I really do.   I am not a very out there kind of person, and telling people what I need is hard to start with.  Then, if I express a need and the person does not fulfill that need, especially if that happens repeatedly (I’m ok for once or twice), then it hurts me down to the core of my being.  This has happened so many times that now I just don’t even want to tell people what I need.  After all, if I dont tell them, then it’s my fault not theirs that they didn’t meet my needs.  If I do tell them, and they choose to ignore that information, then I end up hurt and worse off than I was to start.

I should say, I am not talking about things like asking someone to do a favor or such, I’m talking about emotional needs, those things that we need to truly feel loved. 

There are a small number of people that I share my thoughts and feelings with, but even then, I keep part of myself tucked in, expecting to be let down.  I don’t want to be like that.  I want to be the open person that I can be.  Not trusting makes me less open than I am capable of, and keeps me from letting people know the real me.

I guess this goes hand in hand with my not talking my truth issue.  So the question is, how do I bring myself to take that risk, to tell people my innermost thoughts and needs and trust them to honor and respect those?  How do I keep from feeling shattered when they don’t?  Have I just been trying to trust the wrong people, and if so, how do I know which people are the safe ones?  Is it safe for me to really let people all the way in?  Do people actually do that, or do I just want to share more of myself then most people would?  Sigh… apparently I have a lot more work to do.


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