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Posts Tagged ‘Walls’

Why don’t we share our stories?  Some people do, and I’ve always admired the people who will openly share their stories with others.  So why don’t I share my story?   It’s not because I’m afraid of people knowing my story, in fact I love to tell people  about the incredible healing God did for me.  So why don’t I share it then?

Not sharing my story is not good for me, this I’ve come to realize.  In fact I really only just realized recently that I have completely stopped telling my story the last 10 years.  Once I healed, I stopped telling my story, but I don’t want to, I want people to know how incredible God is, what He has done for me, and what He wants to do for all of us if we’ll let him.  

So, why don’t I tell my story?  As a child I was told not to tell, to always keep up appearances of being the perfect family.  As a young adult, first telling my story, I was cautioned incessantly about boundaries (it’s not like I was running around telling the world or anything, but boundaries are expected to be an issue for the abused when they first start telling their story I guess).  I was cautioned that telling my story would make people uncomfortable, and maybe at that time, when I was in the midst of the pain, that might have been true.  I was told that people may intentionally or unintentionally say hurtful things (I’m sorry, but I have enough sense to not tell people who would intentionally say hurtful things, and I am a very forgiving person, I can deal with the unintentional by accepting the feeling behind a statement not the spoken meaning).  Others told me that if I told people I had been abused, that they would assume I would become an abuser… this was horrific to me, although in hind site, if you honestly think that you need to understand that that is not the case at all.  Still, these things made me very cautious to say anything.

I’ve been in this world for more than 37 years now.  It has been 20 years since I first told my story.  It has been 15 years since I allowed God to heal me, as he had been trying to do for so long.  In all of those years, I have never once received a response like those above.  In fact just the opposite.  Likewise, those who I have seen share their own stories of hurt, pain, and healing, have generally been accepted and their honesty and openness appreciated and valued. 

There is no reason to hide.

I will not hide my story any longer.  I will share it with those who it might help.  I will speak it openly and show others that God really does heal, and that he wants to heal everyone, if we will just let Him.  I will share my story, and not be silent any longer… for any reason.  I will let God show others, through me, how completely and totally He can heal us.

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I’ve been doing more reading in my Chosen to Remember book, have I mentioned this book is amazing? Anyways, today’s reading was talking about the walls we build around ourselves in order to protect ourself.

I am a proficient wall builder, I learned at a very young age how to build very good walls. At times my walls have been nearly impenetrable. At one point I had brought my walls down significantly, but unless I purposely and mindfully keep them down, I tend to rebuild them over time.

Anyhow, the author was writing that we build walls to defend ourselves, but in reality, we are building walls because we fear that we are not really worth defending, that we are worthless. We build the walls to keep people from seeing who we really are. This is totally unnecessary though, because the person that is hidden behind those walls, the part of us that we are hiding behind all of the fear, judgement, and other things of the world, that person is God’s perfect creation. We are God’s perfect creation. I am God’s perfect creation.

This leaves us with a choice. We can accept ourselves as God’s perfect creations and live our lives truly KNOWING we are God’s perfect creations. If we see ourselves as God’s perfect creations, we will also be able to see the perfection of God’s creations in others, and be able to view them with the pure love of God. This path will bring us the peace that only comes from a close relationship with God. On the other hand, we can continue to see ourselves through the illusions of the world and the walls that we have built around ourselves, illusions built by judgement, fear, and seperation. If we choose this road, we will find ourselves viewing others with judgement and/or fear, and will find that road leads to a lack of peace as judgement and strife pull us away from God.

There was so much more, but I just really needed to share this.

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