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The past few weeks have been a real struggle for me.  My husband and I have been dealing with infertility issues caused by my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), for almost as long as we’ve been married (we just celebrated our 10th anniversary last July).

In 2003 I was diagnosed with PCOS, although it was obvious that I didn’t develop it in 2003, I’d had it for many years.  We had been trying to conceive for quite a while, and by the end of 2002 had started to realize there was probably going to be an issue.  Fortunately, I had really good insurance, insurance that actually covered some infertility treatments.  I was able to see an infertility doctor, and with his help, we conceived our son in October of 2003, using a combination of Ovarian stimulation (using drugs to get the ovaries to produce an egg), and IUI (intra-utertine insemination).  It was a hard journey getting to that point, and I was pretty close to falling apart by the time we found out that I was pregnant.  It was a difficult pregnancy, but in the end, our beautiful boy was born.

We decided we did not want our children too close together, and that we would wait until Nick was 3 before we really started actively pursing getting pregnant again.  However I have to admit that we did keep a bit of an eye on my cycles, and do what we could hoping for a natural “surprise” pregnancy.  It didn’t happen.  Then we decided to move to Idaho, and we didn’t want me to be pregnant, so we decided to wait until after the move.  We didn’t really think this through as well as we should have though, because there were 2 problems with that.  First off, my fabulous insurance was expiring around the time we moved, and it is impossible to get infertility coverage when you are self-employed unless you own a big business.  Second, there are no infertility doctors in our area.

We tried and tried.  I’ve spoken with doctors, they put me on Metformin, which is a drug to help regulate insulin resistance.  It makes me sick, VERY sick.  They tell you it will make you sick for a little while, but then your body will adjust.  Mine never did.  So after months of agonizing yuckiness, I finally gave up on that.

I truly feel that God has another baby for us.  I feel that with every fiber of my body, and I’m not willing to give that up.  Nor am I willing to force my son into a life as an only child.

We’ve considered adoption, and aren’t opposed to it, but I’ve never felt like it’s the way God is directing me to go.

So for years, the biggest thing standing between us and a baby has been money.  We need money for infertility treatments, and money to travel back and forth the 4 hrs that we need to go to get to the closest infertility doctor.

In 2010 we tried at Christmas time, but I ovulated on my own before the IUI, and we didn’t get pregnant (even with a perfect cycle the chances are only about 1 in 3 that we’ll get pregnant.

After the failed try, I decided to start looking into some natural treatments.  I found Dr. Mellor in Rexburg, and he felt that he could probably help us.  He has been working with me to get my health back in order.  I’ve been able to get my thyroid working properly, have gotten my blood sugar under control, lost a bit of weight (not nearly enough, but some), and I’m much healthier than I was before I started seeing him.  We even managed to get pregnant in June, but I miscarried before we even knew I was pregnant (not knowing was a blessing).  That sent me for a tailspin, but I tried to get back on track.

Now it’s been a year since I started working heavily with Dr. Mellor, and I’m still not pregnant.  The new year reminded me of the fact that we’ve crossed yet another year without a baby.

I’m NOT giving up.  I’m not losing faith, this baby will come into the world.

Sometimes though, that faith just slips away when I’m not looking, and I find myself falling apart again.  That’s what happened earlier this month.  It took several days and a lot of tears, but things are headed back on track now.  My faith is restored and our plan has been generated for the new year.  The plan is:

Start Acupuncture – I have my first appointment next week.  Acupuncture has been shown to be very useful in treating infertility.  It also improves the likelihood of infertility treatments.

Do an infertility treatment – this one is pending on us either being able to raise enough money or not being hit too hard with taxes this year.

In the meantime, I’ll be working on acupuncture, nutrition, weight loss, and trying to find some fundraising ideas that will help us meet our goals.  Plus praying, praying a lot.  Praying, and praying, and believing, and knowing that it will happen, hopefully sooner than later.  So if you pray, please pray with me, pray that we’ll get pregnant quickly and not have to go do the infertility treatments, or that if we do have to do the infertility treatments that the funds will be there for it or that we’ll find a way to raise the funds that we need.  Pray for me, because I really need God’s help to keep holding strong and faithful on this journey.

Grain Free Cereal Recipe

I don’t usually put a lot of recipes on here, but I have recently learned how to make a super easy breakfast “cereal” that is totally compliant with the Advanced Cellular Healing Diet (along with a lot of other diets), and it’s super yummy.  Since figuring out what to eat on this diet can be really tricky, especially for breakfast, I thought I’d share.  Maybe someone else will find it helpful.

Almond Coconut Cereal:

Ingredients:

Almonds (about 1-2 handfuls, per serving)

Coconut Milk

Coconut Flakes (be sure to get unsweetened, the finer it is ground the better in my opinion)  (Optional)

Other Flavors as desired (Optional)

Stevia or Xylitol (optional)

Directions:

Put the almonds into a food processor with the metal S blade and run it until they are ground but still a little chunky.  They should be a bit chunkier than almond meal. (for best nutritional value, you should use almonds that have been soaked and then dried, I usually forget to do my almonds though, so I often just use regular ones)

Add a handful of coconut, if desired.  This is optional, sometimes I do it with the coconut, sometimes with out.  I recommend putting the coconut in if you are not using any other flavorings.  Turn the food processor back on just long enough to mix it all together well.

In a separate container, mix your coconut milk together (it seperates as it sits in the can).

Pour almond mixture into a bowl, spoon on coconut milk and mix together (do not use the entire can, it will be WAY too much, unless you are making this for an entire family.  Usually about 1/4 of a can is about right.  Stir until it all blends together.  It will look really pasty and a bit yucky honestly.  If it is a really thick paste, add another spoonful of coconut milk.

Heat.  I use the microwave, although it would probably be healthier done on the stove.  I microwave for 1 minute.  This will melt the coconut milk and make it look much more like cereal in milk.  You’ll want to have the milk above the level of the “cereal” or it will get really dry as you eat it.  Add any vanilla or other natural extracts that you would like.  If you aren’t strictly on the advanced diet, you can add in dried fruit too.  If needed, sweeten with a bit of stevia or Xylitol.  I like mine kind of sweet, but it only takes a TINY bit of stevia.

I’ve tried adding carob chips, but found they didn’t affect the flavor much.  One of these days I’m going to try cocoa powder and see if that makes it chocolatey:)

 

 

 

 

So Blessed

My heart is so overwhelmed with all of the blessings I’ve had lately that I just had to take a moment to share with you the incredible things that have been happening.

A couple of months ago, I found a wonderful marketing instructor names Sandi Krakowski .  I was excited because I could immediately see that she could teach me the keys I had been missing to get my business really prospering.  On top of that, she’s a Christian with beliefs quite similar to my own, AND she is a homeschooling momma!  I figured if anyone could understand how busy I feel and how to balance it all, it would be her.

Little did I know how much this woman was going to change my life.  In fact I probably still only have a peak at how much she’s going to affect it, but what has happened already is incredible.  I’ve been listening to her products for more than a month now, and they have not only increased my marketing ability (which I am still really working on), but she has given me the key I’ve been looking for the last few years.  She’s helped me to figure out what I need to be doing .

For a few years I’ve had an idea that I need to be doing something, helping someone, but I really had no idea what to do with that.  I’ve considered a number of options, but none of them really seemed right.  I’ve prayed, searched, tried to ignore it, tried to tell myself I was just being crazy and that there is no way I could ever fidn the time to do any of this in my crazy life.  I saw no way to make it happen in the real world.

Sandi frequently says that the pain of not doing what we are supposed to do often becomes greater than the pain of stepping out into it.  That is exactly what I’ve been dealing with for the last few years.  It has been downright emotionally painful.  I’ve tried to ignore it, but this feeling that I’m not using the gifts God gave me has been a constant and has about driven me bonkers.  It wasn’t for lack of wanting to, but for lack of vision about what to do.

Now I am filled with vision.  God has taken the spark he’s been putting in my spirit for the last few years, and has birthed a concept in my that I won’t let go of.  He has shown me how to make this work, where it can go, and how much I can help people.  He has given me visions and dreams, and set me on fire.  I’m a little frightened about how I will do this, but I’ve conquered bigger things and I know I can do it with His help.  I have visions of coaching people through their troubles, of public speaking (yipes!) to groups and helping them move past their issues.  I’m so fascinated to see what this will grow into and so grateful for the huge opportunity this feels like.

The website I’ve started www.adivinewalk.com is the first step towards that.  I see it becoming so much more than it is, but I will have the patience to take it one step at a time as God directs me.

Those of you who know me off of the internet may see a real change in me.  I feel so light, like a huge weight has been lifted from me.  I honestly feel like crying in relief for what this means.

I know this is the right path.  This path uses the gifts God has given  me, it makes me feel whole and complete.  I can hardly wait to move forward in it and see what He has planned beyond what He has shown me.

It’s Up

The new blog is up.  As I said, it will not be replacing this one, but come check it out!  I’m so excited about how quickly it came together for me.  If you come over, be sure to leave a comment so I know you visited:)

http://www.adivinewalk.com/

A New Venture

I wrote in my last post that I was looking at possibly starting a new blog.  I’ve decided to take the plunge and launch the new site.  It’ll probably be a few days at least before it is up, but I’ll make an announcement here as soon as I get it going.  It has all started to come together for me and I feel very strongly that this is what I need to be doing right now.  I’m not sure where the time to run another site is going to come from, but I feel strongly that God wants me doing this, so I’m sure he’ll show me how to manage it all.

The new site is going to be taking my experiences and the things I have learned from the trials I’ve been through in my life, and teaching those lessons to others.  I hope to eventually add a business aspect into it, but for now it will probably be just informational.   I hope that I can really bless some other people and help them on their journey, just as so many people have helped me.

Honestly, I’m excited, but also quite frightened at the prospect of putting everything out there on the net.  I truly believe that God can heal people through what I have experienced, but I also know some people will disagree, and probably quite vehemently with what I say.  That’s okay, I don’t expect people to agree with everything.  I’m just a little nervous about whether I can do it or not.

It’s fascinating though, I can see where this idea has been brewing for a few years.  A couple of years back I started another blog that did not live long because the scope was much too narrow, but it was very  much a prepping ground of sorts for the new blog.

I plan to still keep this blog and will write on it as I have the urge, much like I do now.  I still have much growth to do myself, and I’m sure that much of that will end up here, just like it currently does, for better or worse.

Consider a New Blog

I want to start a new blog, perhaps a new business even within that blog.  One that will help people on their journeys with God.  Uplift them, help them grow their faith, confidence, and draw closer to Him.  I have a vision for it, but I need a name, and I need to figure out how to make it work, time wise that is.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, the vision is just now finally coming together.  Now I need a name, and the courage to step out and give it a shot.

Sometimes I’m a chameleon, I can blend into a group and go almost unnoticed.  Sometimes, that’s a good thing.  Sometimes, I lose myself though too.

Since I’ve moved to Idaho, and actually, if I really reflect on it probably well before that, I have felt this sense of not fully knowing or understanding who I am.  I’ve always been rather introspective, but this is different, more of a lost feeling.  Perhaps it was working my entire life to become a teacher and then realizing that I was not happy doing that.  I’m sure that was part.  I’ve always had a tendency to mirror people, and the way I act around people tends to change depending on the group I am with.  I guess that is true of everyone, we all bring out different qualities in one another.

Anyways, the point of this post is not about feeling lost, but rather finding the core of who I am.

I’ve been searching on and off for that part of me for years.  This year it took on a different angle.  I started looking for my passions.  What am I passionate about?  Am I passionate about anything?  It’s taken the entire year, but I’ve finally realized what I’m passionate about.  I’ve actually known it all along, I just didn’t accept those as things people can be passionate about.  I do this to myself a lot.  My interests are eclectic, and the things I feel passionate about are unusual, but they are who I am, and what makes up me.

The interesting thing is that those of you reading this that know me well will probably not be surprised by these at all, because they are so core to me and who I am.   Of course it would be impossible to create an entire list of everything I’m passionate about, but some of the most important are:

– Helping people.  Anyway that I can, I love to help people.  Whether it’s a major project or a small cheer up, it makes my day.

– Teaching people about the power of forgiveness.  I keep this one under wraps a lot except with my very closest of friends, but it’s one I’d like to explore more of.

– Listening to people.  Whether it’s listening to people chatting with one another in the store, or listening intently to a friend with a problem who needs a loving ear.  I could listen to people all day long.

– Talking to people.  I love to talk, but I spent most of my childhood being teased about how much I talk, so I don’t say as much anymore.  I’m working at bringing this into a healthier place.

– Helping those who have survived abuses reclaim their lives and move forward.  I wish I got a chance to do this as much as I used to, I miss it, but it is very much at the core of me.

– Developing a real relationship with God, and helping other women learn to do the same, in their own ways.

– Understanding other people’s beliefs, why they are important, and what I can learn from them.

– Spending time with my family, and finding a way to do more of it and more peacefully.

– Loving people, helping them see how wonderful they really are.

Okay, that is just a few of them, but I think it covers the core.  So what do I do with these?  Most of them have been laying stagnant the last few years.  Now I need to find a way to make them a bigger part of my life, without driving myself crazy with more things to do.  Sandi Krakowski, the marketing genius says over and over that we should build businesses around our passions.  How on earth would I build a business around those?  Yes they tie together, but I can’t envision it.  Food for thought, perhaps in addition to this business I can start a business of helping some day.

I was just going to post this and I had another thought… my God given gifts tie in very closely with these skills to.  I know that I have a mission here, I just need to figure out what it is!

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